Swimming Without a Life Jacket

At the beginning of the summer my four-year-old daughter played with her friends in the pool secure in her life jacket. She could jump off the side go any where she wanted. She could thrive in the water there were no limits. We were watching her but evidently not close enough. She took off her jacket and slipped into the pool. By the grace of God she managed to get to the edge and out by herself. So scary! When I grabbed her and lifted her up the first thing she said was "I thought I could swim."

The last few days have been hard. I have no one to blame but myself. My youngest has been waking a lot at night and I have been exhausted. I have been keeping my fast and taking my quiet times but they have dwindled from 30 minutes a day to 5 or 10 minutes when I can catch it.

I can't help but think of when I spend my needed time with him it is like putting on the life jacket. I can handle the deep water and waves because I am secure. However, I had become so confident as I rode the waves and kept afloat in the deep waters that I forgot that I was not doing it on my own ability. Giving God a token few minutes so you can check it off the list isn't really putting on the life jacket, maybe just holding the strap.

This week it was clear that by not choosing to daily to lay my business aside and pick up the business of God, I really tend to be a mess. As I treaded water holding the jacket instead of putting it on I began to feel overwhelmed by the waves, concerned about the wind, at moment certain I might drown. Today I woke up frustrated, angry, irritated at what? Life, I guess. By 10 am I knew this was not the me I wanted. I wanted the jacket. I wanted to stop trying to swim on my own and rest. I grabbed my Bible and some praise music. The jacket is back on and I am at rest.

This time has taught me so much but mostly it has taught me that I like myself and my life so much better when I carve out special time for just God and me. My life with me as the center is boring and stressful.

LORD, I choose You today and help me remember to choose You fully every day.