Addicted to Selfishness

Hello, my name is Tari and I am addicted to selfishness. I am not trying to be dramatic. The more I am going through this time of reflection, prayer and fasting from TV/movies. I am faced with one BIG thing...I like to be selfish. I m not saying that I want to be selfish. I want to be a selfless mother who graciously gives of all her time serving her children and her family though one-on-one time with them, and daily tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and all that needs done. That is what I want to be. What I AM is selfish.

I could claim that I am a victim of society. A society that tells me that "I deserve a break today", "I can have it my way", or even "I can have it all." However, no matter what society has drilled into me since I was old enough to watch TV, the truth is, selfishness is as old as Adam and Eve. Why did Eve take a bite? She wanted it all. She wanted it her way. Forget the perfect plan of the Creator of the Universe, she wanted it her way.

All said and done, I am still amazed how much this mind set has taken hold in my life. I was raised in a bible church that preached denying one self and living like Christ my whole life. I have been pursuing this since my teenage years. Then why am I still so selfish? Oh I am good at being less selfish where strangers or friends are concerned (or at least better;) )

But at home I want to rest, I have a headache, I want a few minutes to my self, I, I, I,... Taking TV and Movies out of the equation has helped open my eyes a little. I didn't realize how much time I spent in the evening occupying my self with them. But more is the struggle of what to do with my time now. I could clean. But everything with in me shouts "NO! This is my time. Kids are in bed. ME ME ME."

Selfishness is not what I was created for.

LORD, help me to see my family as a place to serve. Help me to daily put them before my needs, wants, and desires.